The Third Contemplation

If I had one wish as an end of life doula, it would to be contacted earlier!

The dying person or their caregiver usually wait too long to get the benefits we offer - support and empathy and guidance. 

Just like hospice is called in too late and can only do crisis-level care, end of life doulas are also called in too late.

Recently I was called by a birth doula about her dear, dying friend, who really needed some help articulating her final wishes and support to get on hospice so she could be more comfortable. We had a good, long talk and the friend's primary caregiver was going to call any minute.

I didn't hear from the caregiver and found out later that the dying woman had unexpectantly died that very day.

We do not know if she was ready; if she was at peace; if her caregiver knew her wishes. We hope so. We pray for an easy transition for her. 

Because death was ready to embrace her. 

The Nine Contemplations, written in the 11th century by the Buddhist monk and scholar Atisha, addresses the twisting, jeweled path of life and ultimately death. They are a quiet warning of the inevitable and the need for preparation, so that we can go beyond fear and live a fully engaged life.

The Third contemplation seems apropos here: 

"Death comes whether or not I am prepared."

Let us not be afraid to prepare. Let us embrace planning for our death. Let us articulate our wishes. Who do we want to be with us? Where do we want to be? What is left unsaid? What do we need to let go of so we can find peace? What do we want our loved ones to remember about us?

Because death comes whether or not we are ready for it. Death comes while we are busy denying it. Death comes even when we don't want it to arrive.

What do we have to lose by being ready for it?