My Writing

I am so moved by the generosity of my friend. She was very involved with the care of her brother who died a year ago after a prolonged illness. She had hired a wonderful caregiver who she trusted wholeheartedly. The caregiver was a tremendous comfort and giver of care to her brother. The caregiver, despite her wonderful work, did not enjoy financial stability. My friend decided to make the caregiver co-owner of her brother's small house in Sonoma. She now has a place to stay

" People do not pass away. They die. And then they stay dead." A wise poet said these words. It's true. The finality of death hits us over and over again. That is why the grief of profound loss moves through us, and we move through the grief. It is a ceaseless dance. Grief is non-linear. Profound loss changes us, rearranging the structure of our very being. We are not the same. We integrate the story of our loss into our core self. And we continue. Some moments of joy and som

“You are perfect the way you are ... and you can use a little improvement." This famous teaching from Shunryu Suzuki Roshi, a Sōtō Zen monk and author of Zen Mind, Beginners Mind has been making me think of late about my mom. She always loved me unconditionally and whenever she felt like there was an opening, she would tell me how I could improve. I did a lot of eye rolling at those times and complaining but now, in my 60's, I would love to hear her suggestions on how I could

Did you know that Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, whose 100th birthday was this month, never envisioned her Five Stages of Grief as a linear process? We can have any or all of these feelings in a day or an hour or a minute as we face the loss of our loved ones: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance She understood this. We need to understand this as well. Every Death Cafe I hold I always sense Elisabeth smiling. She helped ignite the match and we carry the torch onward. Tha

People do not pass away. They die. And then they stay dead." A wise poet said these words. It's true. The finality of death hits us over and over again. That is why the grief of profound loss moves through us, and we move through the grief. It is a ceaseless dance. Grief is non-linear. Profound loss changes us, rearranging the structure of our very being. We are not the same. We integrate the story of our loss into our core self. And we continue. Some moments of joy and some