The Antidote to Shame

What is the antidote to shame?

It is self compassion.

Makes sense, right?

As an end of life doula, I sometimes work with people who are dealing with a lot of regret, which is all tied up with deep shame.

According to Kristin Neff, guru of all things compassion, "We can see why when we consider the three core components of self-compassion and their opposites, which are mindfulness vs. over-identification, common humanity vs. isolation, and kindness vs. judgment."

Shame takes us over so completely, that there is no room for compassion.

Mindfulness practice helps create spaciousness so that we can find our way back to opening our compassionate heart.

When we are in a shame spiral, we self-isolate because we 'other' ourselves. We are sure we are so bad that there is no room for us in the sea of humanity. We keep ourselves apart, which only perpetuates the shame. Reaching out to a caring person, who understands that it is human to feel these emotions, helps stop the isolation and bring us back to our own humanity.

Treating ourselves with kindness helps stop the attacking, judging, critical voice within. We soothe ourselves with kindness; we paint our aching heart and brain with the color of kindness; we reach to mindfulness with kindness. We find our way back to ourselves.

As we prepare our hearts and minds for end of life, may we become skillful in self-compassion, treating ourselves with loving compassion and knowing that we are fundamentally good.

May our practice of mindfulness aid our journeys to self compassion.