Perfectly Imperfect
“You are perfect the way you are ... and you can use a little improvement."
This famous teaching from Shunryu Suzuki Roshi, a Sōtō Zen monk and author of Zen Mind, Beginners Mind has been making me think of late about my mom.
She always loved me unconditionally and whenever she felt like there was an opening, she would tell me how I could improve.
I did a lot of eye rolling at those times and complaining but now, in my 60's, I would love to hear her suggestions on how I could improve. Sometimes I almost can hear them even though she died 7 years ago. I invoke her by wondering what she would say about this or that and usually her response is clear.
That unconditional love was such a gift. She loved me just because I was hers and because I was hers she saw perfection in me. Wow.
I love my daughters unconditionally. That primal mother-child love bond lives inside me and is absolute. I see their minor flaws but mostly I see their perfection.
The notion that I could love myself unconditionally, that I could see my own perfection, and that I could keep working to improve myself is soothing to me. I have always kept working on myself but not with unconditional love. So this is the path for me that I now choose to talk.
I love how parsimoniously Roshi's words evoke the knowledge within us that we are inherently whole. When I used to put my daughter's to sleep years ago, my blessings to them was, "You are whole and complete. The force that guides the stars guides you too. Blessings on your body, heart, mind and spirit. I love you forever."
Roshi also let us know that we don't have to be critical of our self or others. We can be open and loving with all, seeing the perfection in each of us.
The idea of improving reminds me that learning and growing and changing is a constant process. Personal growth never ends in this lifetime and that is the nature of being human. There are things about me I have wanted to change for decades and finally now I understand that I need to take on that improvement in a compassionate and incremental way.
There is so much to unpack in this one sentence that Roshi gave us. What else do you relate to in his words?
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