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"A wise old Buddhist nun and a few younger ones came upon a huge boulder while out for a walk one day. "Do you think that rock is heavy?" asked the old nun. The younger ones replied, "Of course!"The old nun laughed. "Not if you don't pick it up!" she said." One day last week I unexpectedly picked up the rock. It was extremely heavy, replete with cortisol pumping through my system and a PTSD flare triggered by being lied to.  I hate being lied to. With a passion. It makes me nuts. It has destroyed me in the past. I came back into my body stronger than ever, having experienced the gift of resilience.  Besides from gratitude I feel the keen awareness that I never want to go through that again and need to protect myself. I can't take on people's stuff.  I will never pick up that rock again!

If you were suffering with a terminal illness and did not qualify for end of life medications, would you go to Switzerland? Many people do choose to go to Switzerland, where medical aid in dying is legal.  In fact, the demand is so high that some inventors have created this unique pod for people who are medically approved. It is kind of tough to consider, right? For me, too.  Let's talk about it. I would love to hear your thoughts. BBC Article : Maker of suicide pod plans to launch in Switzerland Follow up Barrons Article : US Woman Dies in Controversial Suicide Capsule in Switzerland

What does your life look like in weeks?  If you could see a chart that represented 90 years of human life, where would you fall on it? What would you feel about the amount of time you have lived and the projected time you have left? You can create your own life in dots chart here . If you are 50 years old this week, it would look like this:

With about 11 million employees in the US 65 years old or older, or about 7% of all workers, the workforce in this country has a wider age span than ever before. This trend shows signs of increasing, due to financial needs of people who are living longer than ever before. What does it mean for the workplace? It means two important things. First, younger workers can benefit from the acquired wisdom of life and work that older workers exhibit. They may know a thing or two about work life balance. They may know about managing stress due to their earned understanding of what really matters. They may be a surprising contingent of support for family medical leave and paid leave for new mothers. They just may add a lot of rich textures including balance, equanimity, and quiet confidence, to work teams and enrich the culture of any organization. Second, they may bring younger workers face to face with serious illness, death and grief, since the rate of illness and death is comparatively higher amongst people who are 65 and older, than people who are younger. The workplace still has a long way to go to be truly accepting and comfortable with the reality of employees or their loved ones living and dying with terminal illness; with the impact of death and dying of a staff person or their loved ones on the workplace; and with the way grief settles in the workplace like a dewy cloak of sorrow. We can become more comfortable with sickness and death and its impact at work, just like we have made cultural shifts about health and wellness, addiction, harassment and mental health awareness. It is the next frontier. We can get better at embracing its presence and sitting with each other in and through it. We can learn to listen more deeply and kindly. We can find our way through the uncomfortable feelings. Let's take the first step. What do you think helps?

I like the ritual of gently washing the human body after death. Jewish tradition calls this ritualized body washing and purification Tahara. Tahara is a sacred act and puts me in touch with the very powerful ideas around the Jewish soul, which can be seen as divided into three: The Nefesh is considered the vital principle, life force. The Ruach is known as the spirit, governing the intellect and moral values. The Neshamah is defined as the highest level of the soul, the divine spark. Tahara often leads me to wonder when the soul leaves the body after death. Of course, this question has been pondered by many religions, philosophers and wonderers. Some traditions believe it leaves immediately. The Buddhists tend to think the soul is in the bardos- the in between place- for up to 30 days after death. Jewish tradition believes that the Nefesh stays in the body for 3-7 days after death.  When the soul leaves the body, Its departure can be hard or easy depending on the level of attachment of the soul to the physical world.  The soul is considered immortal and reincarnation is loosely considered as a way for the soul to fulfill itself, provide tikkun olam (repair of the world), or achieve perfection. I love being part of a ritual that is design to help the soul leave the purified body and be on its way to whatever is next. When do you think the soul leaves the body? “The human soul doesn’t want to be advised or fixed or saved. It simply wants to be witnessed—to be seen, heard, and companioned exactly as it is."                                    Parker Palmer

Death Literacy. This newish term keeps coming up. For me, it means we can talk about death, we can plan for our death, we can talk about our plans with our people, we can find another route if we don't have a person, we can listen to our people talk about their plans. It means we have an advanced care directive and a health care proxy. It means we know what we want to happen with our bodies after our death; it means we know what we want to happen to our stuff after our death, it means we have made our financial plans clear. It may mean we have done some life review or a legacy project or an ethical will, contemplating what we leave behind. It means we are open to a sense of ease about all things death and dying in how we think, talk and feel. Onward!

Talking about death a lot makes me less afraid of dying. I have been leading Death Cafes online for the Elisabeth Kubler Ross Foundation and Mission Hospice for more than 4.5 years. They are open, supportive conversations about all things death and dying. We may sip on tea and have a bite of cake. Around 6 people have been with me from the beginning, almost every Tuesday morning for 90 minutes. The one thing we all nod our head in unison about is that we each feel less afraid of death because we have normalized talking about death in our lives. We didn't necessarily aim to be less afraid. It simply was an outcome of showing up. We talk about the death of loved ones - by accidental overdose, suicide, cancer, old age - and hold the space for that pain. We talk about the hard and soft places within ourselves as we navigate finding our way without them. We listen deeply to and witness the rawness, the tender healing, the unplanned sense of renewal. We are fully present and we hold the space. And if we are really lucky, someone cracks a joke that is just the perfect release. Come join us. Bring your cup of tea. Registration is free. To register go to the Eventbrite website and search for online events for the Elisabeth Kubler Ross Foundation and Death Cafes, or you can email me at rhyhalpern@gmail.com for more information. 2nd & 4th Tuesdays, 10am-11:30am PT, with the Elisabeth Kubler Ross Foundation. 3rd Tuesdays, 10am-11:30am PT, with Mission Hospice.

Annika would not believe it but her TikTok videos have exceeded 40 million unique views! She doesn't know because she died.  Annika was 27 years old when she sought medical assistance for what she thought was an infection in her eye, only to find out she had Stage 4 of a rare form of cancer. Her type of cancer had only 200 cases documented worldwide.  She started making and then posting videos on social media under the title "And Also Annika" with the subtitle, "Just a girl living with cancer and documenting that journey here."  As an end of life doula, I sat with Annika's very sweet and gentle dad just three weeks after her death and listened deeply. It was a gift.  He isn't ready to watch the videos yet, but he gave me permission to write about them and his beloved daughter. He was fully aware and proud that her videos garnered a huge social media following, leaving an amazing legacy.  I planned to watch a handful of them but that was not possible. I was glued to my screen for 3 hours, watching 54 videos. She chose titles for each video such as How I Lost My Eye, How I Get Through My MRI's, My Prognosis, Wigs, This is Serious, My Fortnight Cover, New Lumps, Eating Popcorn, About the Flap on My Face, Give Cancer the Middle Finger, Day by Day, and Let's Do Some Cardio.  My favorite one did not garner a huge amount of views, only 241k. It is titled What Caused My Cancer . Annika showed up with humor, smarts, sorrow, and acceptance. She had an amazing ability to reason things out and apply her intelligence and heart to all she was going through in equal measure.  After two rounds of chemo and radiation, when the tumors just kept ferociously spreading she applied her mental steadiness to planning for her death.  She knew what she wanted to say and what she wanted to leave left unsaid. The millions of views are evidence that her life and death touched so many of us.  I am forever inspired by her light and inimitable grace. She gave us a window into how it is done. All respect and love, Annika! Thank you and bless you!

What do solo agers say they need most? Help at home!  I feel like I need this too! I spend so much time on home maintenance, calling utility and credit card companies, and being my own IT person.  I can imagine that needing home modifications like handrails installed or repairing a broken door might become quite overwhelming.  With ride sharing services, I feel relieved that I will have reliable, albeit expensive and sometimes inconvenient, transportation to help me keep up with medical appointments and social engagements with friends.  I work hard on keeping healthy but I can see a future need for patient advocate and perhaps legal help. Downsizing is a constant effort and one day it may be too much for me. Here is a list I found of the top needs of solo agers. What one do you think is most important? Home Maintenance & Chore Services Home Modifications Technology Home Security Downsizing/Organizing Items Social Connections with other Solo Agers How to Use Transportation Apps Power of Attorney/Patient Advocate Services

Solo Agers don't talk much about their wishes with friends and family. I include quasi-solo agers like myself in that group because we may have partners or kids or best friends who don't necessarily live nearby.  Sickness and advanced age present certain challenges for many of us solo agers.  The most important thing we can do is to open up conversations with our loved ones, whether they are our biological or chosen family, or friends! We simply must determine and communicate our wishes. And then we need to plan and communicate those plans to our doula, our health care proxy, our doctors, lawyers, landlords, our handy people who can help with at home modifications, our care managers and our other community people who can help make sure our wishes are known, respected and followed. Wouldn't that be a relief? Wouldn't you sit back and enjoy the sunset even more if you knew your end of life plan was settled?  Avoiding planning, not talking, not deciding is not the way forward to peace.

22 million older (ages 65+) Americans live alone. 30% of them have no children or family support. The older 'solo agers' get, the more they tend to be women. The number is actually higher because some people define themselves as solo agers even though they have children or family support. They might be estranged from them or they might be very private and/or independent. I know quite a few solo elders, the term I prefer, and am always interested to hear how they are planning for their end of life. It appears that they are a perfect fit with End of Life Doulas!  They can customize their needs and wishes and know they will be deeply respected. They can have emotional support and companioning. They are not alone. They are empowered solo elders! Are you a solo elder?

There are 6 million people in the United States over the age of 85. 40% of them live alone in their homes or in facilities. They are part of the 22 million people 65 or older who live alone.  About half of these 'solo agers' as they are known, are content, satisfied or happy living alone. They state that the most important thing to them is their freedom and independence.  Another 25% are increasingly pessimistic. The other 25% do not have strong feelings. The biggest complaint of all solo agers is loneliness.  We need each other. From the first day of life until the last.