It is so much fun to hear from women in their sixties and seventies that they are having the best sex of their lives!
Fulfilling, satisfying, luscious sensual pleasure, whether solo or partnered is nothing to sneeze at.
In the last week three vulva owners have told me just that. If I add myself to that list, and I do, that makes 4. Notice the big sh*t-eating grins on our faces.
The clitoris is a beautiful shape, with finger-like roots inside the vagina, emerging in a button shape externally, near the opening of the vagina. The button like external protrusion is thought of as the clitoris, but really its a much larger organ internally, and it includes the now infamous G-spot. With 15,000 nerve endings inside and out, its entire purpose is solely for pleasure.
Let’s ignore for a moment the need to rename the G-spot from a male doctor’s last name to what it is: the female prostate, correlating to the male prostate located between the penis and the bladder, also known as the male G-spot. But it really is not a spot, but a whole area, aka G-Zone.
Taking the lead from Dr. Jennifer Berman, a urologist and female sexual medicine specialist, the G-Zone is the area along the inner front wall of the vagina, towards the abdomen. It is typically an inch or two in and up from the vaginal opening.
The clitoris and female prostate exist solely for pleasure. Thus, it makes sense that we can experience pleasure in endless ways, configurations, and through a variety of types of touch. The truth is we are far more sexual than we ever knew. After all, we are orgasmic machines!
At this time in our lives, our children are raised, our work is quieting down, we manage stress better, we are solid in who we are and are not, we have let go of past pain, and we are settling into our truest selves.
Finally, we can fully embrace our sexual selves, put away forever the sexual shaming, trauma and denial, and open fully to our true, yummy, sexual selves.
As we age, assuming our health is good, our stress is low, we can give ourselves over to pleasure with more abandon and openness, whether that pleasure is experienced energetically or sensually, or physically through direct stimulation of the vagina and anus, via fingers, mouths, penises or toys.
It’s our time.
Plus since we are inherently built to orgasm -again refusing the patriarchical denial of our sexual power- we are on a mission to close the heterosexual orgasm gap! It takes men about 4–8 minutes of stimulation to orgasm; compared with women’s 13–40 minutes. Lesbian sex seems to be a great way to decrease that gap.
We waited a long time for this time. We didn’t always know how to make our own pleasure a priority and we got left behind plenty of times in bed.
We are finally unafraid to ask for what we want. We fully own our arrival to this moment. That is the perk of being older!
We are absolutely over any and all fear mongering that denies us vulva owners our true sexual power. Freud’s 1895 “Studies on Hysteria” suggested that higher education and careers ‘might siphon blood from their uteruses to their brains.” The gender with the ability to conceive, gestate, and give birth to human life, is also the one with amazing sexual width and depth. Our supposed ‘hysteria’, derived from the Greek word hystera, or womb, just might be the key to our wrath, our power and our multiple orgasms!
So much for the incorrect and tired assumption that women’s interest in sex wanes as she ages. That may happen to some women- and men- for a variety of physical, nutritional, emotional and relational reasons, but not for many of us.
If you are feeling desexualized, disinterested, dispirited or meh sexually, take some time for yourself. I know you have heard it all before but it works. Set the timer for an hour and commit to give yourself one hour to connect anew your own mindful sexuality.
Run yourself a warm bath with lavendar and bergamot and rosemary. Throw in a bath bomb or epsom salts. Light some candles. Relax and soak, and then slowly explore your body with your hands. After bathing look at yourself in the mirror and share your self love with your reflection.
Get into your comfy bed, with some coconut oil and keep up the self romance. Let yourself re-awaken. Touch the inside of your elbow and your abdomen. Explore between your legs and caress your face and neck and ears. Remind yourself what you like; record it. Validate yourself as a full sexual being. There is no rush. If you notice yourself getting distracted, just gently come back. Explore your clit and your G-zone. Take your time. Keep going.
Make the space 2–3 times a week for a month and then see what you feel. Then keep going for another month. Give it time. It will turn. And don’t forget to treat yourself to a new, fun sex toy!
Shout out to younger women today, you have a lot of wonderful ripening to look forward to!