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I had graduated a year early from high school and was just a few months into college. I had a new, older boyfriend and a diaphragm. I used the spermicide, but I got pregnant anyway. I found out I was pregnant at a building that I only later realized was actually run by a religious organization trying to talk women out of abortions. I missed out on this at the time because to her credit, the kind woman who took my urine to be tested was decent. She meekly suggested one time that continuing the pregnancy and adopting the child out was an option. She backed off when I cut her off with a killer glare and adamant words that that was not at all a viable (sic) option for me. I hope I was fearless and intimidating in her eyes. I hope she switched sides after witnessing the many women who needed real options when faced with an unwanted pregnancy. That was 1974. One year after Roe v. Wade became the law of the land. I was 17 years old. Many times since then I have stopped in my tracks and stood still in utter gratitude that I had the right to a legal abortion. My mom had had an illegal abortion at some point after I was born. I was the baby of three daughters and she had not planned for me, let alone a fourth child, with her battering spouse, my father. She told me she had to have sex with him to get money for the groceries. I have wept many tears for women who have been mutilated and even killed by deranged butchers who performed unclean, demeaning ‘back alley abortions’, as well as for the imprisoned women who boldly helped women get safe abortions, at great risk to themselves. What would have happened to me if I — if we- did not have access to safe and legal abortions? The religious right has worked hard and long to get to this political tipping point of SCOTUS’s pending overturning of the 1973 law. We have known it was coming and that is why we have diligently supported abortion rights, nonprofits like Planned Parenthood, and the availability of abortion pills. In the 1970’s and 1980’s women’s health emerged as a bold response to historically misogynistic health care. We were taking our bodies back from the patriarchy! The publishing of “Our Bodies Our Selves” signaled the arrival of feminist health care; what was once considered radical is now accepted as mainstream healthcare. In those years, many of us knew of ‘menstrual extractions as a safe and common underground alternative to traditional abortions. Adversity is the mother of invention. Now we will use our smarts, our outrage, and our convictions to find new ways to subvert the backlash against women’s reproductive rights and keep moving forward! We are not going backwards. We will not cede control of our bodies. After forty-nine years of legal abortions, we know our rights. We will not back down!

Like you, I am heartsick about the pain and suffering occurring in Ukraine this very moment. All because of one pathological narcissist’s crazy obsession with power. The rest of the world can’t stop it. It is sickening. Our focus is on the latest atrocities and Zelensky’s heroic leadership. We want to help shift the tide toward justice on this global ship. Like you, I give money. I hope its helping getting food and shelter to the people who need it. My hope comes from human ingenuity and creativity. For example, I love that I can rent an apartment in Ukraine on AirBnB and know that 100% of those funds will go into the account of the ‘host’. Of course I will not be using the apartment and it may not even exist any more. But the mother or father that listed it may find these funds just a tad helpful. Ukrainian journalists, such as Svitlana Chernesk, ahave been interested in the unexpected support from the United States. That is how I got interviewed, along with other supporters, for this story on creative ways to support Ukrainians, such as the AirBnB arrangement: https://podrobnosti.ua/2443030-nozemts-bronjujut-zhitlo-v-ukran-takim-chinom-peresilajut-grosh-tim-komu-voni-potrbn.html While all eyes are on Ukraine, I don’t want to forget about civil war, insurgency, terrorism and violence in other countries of the world. Here is the most current list available: The fight to resist oppressive dictator and regimes continues. I believe in human resiliency and goodness and their ultimate triumph!

When my mom died 5 years ago exactly, at the age of 94, she gave me one last surprise gift. It was liberation from the agonizing, painful, suffering of grief I had experienced when other people I had loved died. My mom and I had shared the gift of time; time to say goodbye, time to express our love, time to take care of unfinished business, time to talk about her dying. Unbeknownst to me, that readiness, that sense of completion, impacted me in an amazing way after her death. I felt an amazing peacefulness, acceptance and deep, sweet, sometimes bittersweet love. I felt profoundly grateful to her and how she embraced her death. As a daughter, an End of Life Doula and hospice volunteer, and a human being who has experienced a fair amount of death, I think a lot about the topic of grief. I notice that people seem to fear experiencing grief for a loved one almost as much as they fear death itself. Does it have to be this way? The highest tribute to the dead is not grief but gratitude. -Thornton Wilder I have this crazy idea that grief is just love with no physical place to go. The funny thing about facing imminent death is that it really snaps everything else into perspective. — James Patterson If we embrace death as a part of life, would we live more fully? Mostly it is loss which teaches us about the worth of things. -Arthur Schopenhauer I feel my dead peeps close to me. My mom, Barb, Bert, Jeremy, Shauna, Michelle, Seth, Bette, Bob, Rob, Elsie, Irv, Mike, Sol, Fanny, Ellen, Burt, I hold you all close to my heart. Death ends a life, not a relationship. -Robert Benchley Holding them close this way, gives me more room to hold my living loved ones. It is mysterious but it is true. But you can begin to embrace life again, to feel alive again. … You can remember the loss without being caught up in a stranglehold of grief. You can move forward without abandoning those you love. — Frank Ostaseski If I open myself open to grief, if I get curious about the grief, if I welcome it as a teacher, I know I will experience grace. And you find your way in life without them in physical form. With awareness, the journey through grief becomes a path to wholeness. We are more than the grief; we are what the grief is moving through; we give ourselves to life. We don’t get past our pain. We go through it and are transformed by it. You can’t go back to life as it was before because you are a different person now, changed by your journey through grief. — Frank Ostaseski If grief is just love, then by this point in our lives, by our senior years, we have experienced a lot of love. I have experienced ravaging grief, numb grief, and the fatigue of longing. Grief can be the garden of compassion. If you keep your heart open through everything, your pain can become your greatest ally in life’s search for love and wisdom. -Rumi I received the gift of loss as deep love. This lesson truly makes finding our way, building our new life without them, so much easier. We are changed forever, yes. We are fully alive too and embrace life. We love with everything we’ve got. The grief moves through us and we are again whole. Thanks, Mom, for this final, amazing, generous gift.

It is so much fun to hear from women in their sixties and seventies that they are having the best sex of their lives! Fulfilling, satisfying, luscious sensual pleasure, whether solo or partnered is nothing to sneeze at. In the last week three vulva owners have told me just that. If I add myself to that list, and I do, that makes 4. Notice the big sh*t-eating grins on our faces. The clitoris is a beautiful shape, with finger-like roots inside the vagina, emerging in a button shape externally, near the opening of the vagina. The button like external protrusion is thought of as the clitoris, but really its a much larger organ internally, and it includes the now infamous G-spot. With 15,000 nerve endings inside and out, its entire purpose is solely for pleasure. Let’s ignore for a moment the need to rename the G-spot from a male doctor’s last name to what it is: the female prostate, correlating to the male prostate located between the penis and the bladder, also known as the male G-spot. But it really is not a spot, but a whole area, aka G-Zone. Taking the lead from Dr. Jennifer Berman, a urologist and female sexual medicine specialist, the G-Zone is the area along the inner front wall of the vagina, towards the abdomen. It is typically an inch or two in and up from the vaginal opening. The clitoris and female prostate exist solely for pleasure. Thus, it makes sense that we can experience pleasure in endless ways, configurations, and through a variety of types of touch. The truth is we are far more sexual than we ever knew. After all, we are orgasmic machines! At this time in our lives, our children are raised, our work is quieting down, we manage stress better, we are solid in who we are and are not, we have let go of past pain, and we are settling into our truest selves. Finally, we can fully embrace our sexual selves, put away forever the sexual shaming, trauma and denial, and open fully to our true, yummy, sexual selves. As we age, assuming our health is good, our stress is low, we can give ourselves over to pleasure with more abandon and openness, whether that pleasure is experienced energetically or sensually, or physically through direct stimulation of the vagina and anus, via fingers, mouths, penises or toys. It’s our time. Plus since we are inherently built to orgasm -again refusing the patriarchical denial of our sexual power- we are on a mission to close the heterosexual orgasm gap! It takes men about 4–8 minutes of stimulation to orgasm; compared with women’s 13–40 minutes. Lesbian sex seems to be a great way to decrease that gap. We waited a long time for this time. We didn’t always know how to make our own pleasure a priority and we got left behind plenty of times in bed. We are finally unafraid to ask for what we want. We fully own our arrival to this moment. That is the perk of being older! We are absolutely over any and all fear mongering that denies us vulva owners our true sexual power. Freud’s 1895 “Studies on Hysteria” suggested that higher education and careers ‘might siphon blood from their uteruses to their brains.” The gender with the ability to conceive, gestate, and give birth to human life, is also the one with amazing sexual width and depth. Our supposed ‘hysteria’, derived from the Greek word hystera, or womb, just might be the key to our wrath, our power and our multiple orgasms! So much for the incorrect and tired assumption that women’s interest in sex wanes as she ages. That may happen to some women- and men- for a variety of physical, nutritional, emotional and relational reasons, but not for many of us. If you are feeling desexualized, disinterested, dispirited or meh sexually, take some time for yourself. I know you have heard it all before but it works. Set the timer for an hour and commit to give yourself one hour to connect anew your own mindful sexuality. Run yourself a warm bath with lavendar and bergamot and rosemary. Throw in a bath bomb or epsom salts. Light some candles. Relax and soak, and then slowly explore your body with your hands. After bathing look at yourself in the mirror and share your self love with your reflection. Get into your comfy bed, with some coconut oil and keep up the self romance. Let yourself re-awaken. Touch the inside of your elbow and your abdomen. Explore between your legs and caress your face and neck and ears. Remind yourself what you like; record it. Validate yourself as a full sexual being. There is no rush. If you notice yourself getting distracted, just gently come back. Explore your clit and your G-zone. Take your time. Keep going. Make the space 2–3 times a week for a month and then see what you feel. Then keep going for another month. Give it time. It will turn. And don’t forget to treat yourself to a new, fun sex toy! Shout out to younger women today, you have a lot of wonderful ripening to look forward to! I welcome your comments! Please see my first rebooted enewsletter here. Please read other blog posts here.

It was 1988 and the category was Documentary Short. My film, made with Megan Williams, was called “Language Says It All”. It was about deaf children and how being deaf was really more about access to language than it was about not being able to hear. The film is on YouTube and here is the link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c3-3oZ_CHf4 Out of the five nominated films, it was the second best IMHO. The winner was about the filmmaker’s dad falling in love again at 88 years of age and was a charmer. It deserved to win. It was fun going to the Oscars back then. I remember seats next to Little Richard and the fun of finding that white leather dress and black leather jacket. I remember my first and only pair of high heels cutting into my feet. I remember my friend treating me to a hair and makeup session the day of and being so nervous I could not eat. I remember lots of bad gowns on inebriated celebrities. I remember wishing snacks were as plentiful as alcohol. Documentaries were still considered fringe back then. The Best Documentary categories were considered a joke and inferior to Best Live Short. But we- documentary filmmakers- persevered. We were passionate and dedicated to our craft and our belief in the power of the non-fiction form to create social change. We kept going despite financial problems and career setbacks. Documentaries have reached a tipping point. I was so proud today to listen to a show on NPR devoted to what the hosts considered the strongest category in this year’s Oscar nominations. Yep, you guessed it, documentaries! And the one favored to win, ‘Flee’, is nominated in 3 categories! When I was coming up as an idealist filmmaker, most documentaries barely got seen beyond the Film Festival circuit. They were considered labors of love; impossible to make a living by; screened on PBS at 130 am; doomed to obscurity. I remember the heartache of years of excellent work by my peers, barely recognized. But now they are beloved. People even describe themselves on dating sites as ‘lovers of documentaries’. People rely on them as a source for learning; books adapted to moving images. Documentaries reflect and advance our discourse on issues of the day. I remember when Hoop Dreams broke out. I remember when Ken Burns wasn’t yet a household name. I remember when the Aids Quilt doc received a lot of attention. “My Octopus Teacher” would have been buried 20 years ago. Now it is celebrated, discussed widely and applauded. So now, I am kvelling, happy to see the evolution of the field as well as the audience. I think David Byrne got the Oscar that year for Best Song. He said something like its nice to get the recognition but the real joy is in making the work. Onward!

I stopped talking about my unhappiness in the relationship with most of my friends after about a dozen years. They were sick of hearing me kvetch. Heck, I was sick of hearing me kvetch. I had decided to stay until my kids were launched. Goshdarnit, I needed to buck up! So 18 months ago, I finally cut the ties, kicked him out, and began to build a new life for myself. It's been mostly absolutely marvelous. The words release and relief come to mind. More joy. I have been surprised and pleased by the attention I have received in the online dating world (you can read about that here). A few of my friends have literally jumped up and down with glee or let out a huge sigh of “Finally!”. But that does not mean it is easy to break up a couple whose lives are intertwined and a family unit that is used to being together, even with the fighting and tension that sometimes accompanied us. It isn’t easy to see your former partner with someone new and to know your now young adult children are developing new relationships with that new person and their kids. It isn’t easy to not see my step-grandkids every month. It isn’t easy to not be able to talk with my X about things like making travel plans, or Trump’s sinister plans, or whether its a good time to sell my house, the house that was the family home. Everyday when I write my gratitudes, I almost always am grateful that I am no longer in that relationship. I am also grateful, despite the impossible, awful, terrible and unacceptable relationship we had, for the good stuff we shared for all those years. So, if you have a friend who is happily single after a long relationship, know that we still are going through the loss. Know that our cells in our being are still adjusting to being without our long term partner. Know that it takes time, just like any ending, to heal and find our way as a single person in the world. Know that in the joy and release, lies pain and sadness. The heart is fragile and strong.

As per ScienceFocus.com: “In any human body there are around 30 trillion human cells, but our microbiome is an estimated 39 trillion microbial cells including bacteria, viruses and fungi that live on and in us. We have around 20–25,000 genes in each of our cells, but the human microbiome potentially holds 500 times more.” Pretty amazing stuff, right? It’s like our body is its own universe, or galaxy. Did you also know that 29% of all the microbes in the body are in the gut and 26% of all the microbes in the body are in the mouth? So the gut and the mouth hold more than half of all the body’s microbes! No wonder we have an epidemic of memory-related diseases! The health of the gut and the mouth directly impact the health of the brain. Often, these microbes are unhappily trying to survive in severely compromised environments, leading to brain fog, dementia, Alzheimer's and more! The World Health Organization states that 55 million people worldwide currently have Alzheimer’s. They project 78 million people will have it worldwide by 2030; and that number will mushroom to 128 million by 2050. But mull over this: The average life expectancy 100 years ago in the U.S. was 41 years. The United Nations estimates that there were about 95,000 centenarians in 1990 and more than 450,000 in 2015! By 2100, there will be 25 million! So living longer explains some of the rate of increase in our global population. The other big reason is nutritional deficiencies. I envision those Alzheimer’s numbers going down, because people will have stopped eating so much sugar and processed foods. Toxins like Round Up and plastic lids on coffee cups and arsenic in beauty care will no longer be used or enter our bodies. We will eat whole foods, mostly plants and healthy proteins. We will have less stress and we will heal from life’s traumas. Our emotional and spiritual health will be strong. Functional Medicine will be the standard of care, so when you go to your doctor, you will be able to get into the root cause of your illness and heal it holistically. We will have reversed the epidemic of thyroid disease, autoimmune diseases, Parkinson’s, ALS and Alzheimer’s disease. We will die from natural causes more often than not because our inflammation levels will be down. What does this mean for our microbes? Our guts, our brains, our mouths will have healthy microbiota. We will have learned how to live healthfully with our human and microbial cells.

I binge watched Netflix’s second season of Love is Blind and had an Aha moment! Newly single after a 23-year relationship, I took to internet dating like a fish to water eighteen months ago. I considered it a sociological experiment. First, I became very selective about which profiles resonated with me, by reading the lines, between the lines, and all around. Then, secondly and assuming mutual interest, I found that if some rapport was developed through talking online via the dating app’s texting system, we would almost always meet in person (or via zoom). The key ingredients were for that initial rapport were good energy, easy connection and common values. That is exactly what happens in the pods on the show ‘Love Is Blind’? The couples, with a wall between them, can only talk. The ones who develop rapport, feel an ease to their connection, find they have a lot in common, level up! In online dating, meeting in person definitely ups the ante. The focus turns towards the rocky terrain of sexual chemistry and personality compatibility. I met quite a few men that I really felt a rapport with initially, but upon meeting in person, that connection was only as friends. (New friends are awesome!) Once the couples on Love is Blind meet in person, they are already on the love train heading towards marriage, which is a bit silly. However, the question of sexual and emotional compatibility looms large, just as it does for us online daters. There is no quick way of knowing. It takes time together. For me, its months and maybe longer. On the show, it’s about a month. Pretty cra cra. But the question is the same: Is there connection deep enough to translate into a long-term, committed, happy, loving relationship? On ‘Love Is Blind’ they call this approach a social experiment. It’s amazing how fast the relationship issues surface to threaten that wonderful original connection. Six couples came from the pods and I am guessing that maybe one will survive. My bet is that with more time to grow together as a couple, the odds would improve for couples who have the connection, the chemistry and the compatibility. They just need time to be on their side. I am five months into my social experiment. I find my feelings slowly and happily growing with my new guy. I relish the time to build something with him. I am hoping we survive.

The Power of the Semicolon to Help You Pause and Connect to Your Tribe ; ; It is no wonder to me why the gorgeous, subtle, sultry image of the semicolon has been tattoed on many people in the last few years. It is the ubiquitous sign of self determination for those who are not only surviving, but thriving, after struggling with depression, deep despair, suicide, and other mental health issues. Used prolifically in literary, poetic, academic and technical writing, the semicolon directs us to ‘take a brief pause’. This dot and hook shaped article of punctuation is an elegant symbol for self love, self affirmation, self commitment to keep on. It makes so much sense to me that people tattoo this elegant and simple form on their fingers, wrists, arms, or behind the ear. Sometimes they pair the semicolon with a heart or a musical note or a butterfly to signify their chosen flavor of self affirmation. And what could be better than a sign you see all day long that reminds you that you are here, alive, and keeping on, amidst the pain, the suffering, the grief, the heartache, the beauty and terror of life? As an end of life doula, I often talk about ‘holding the space’ for the person who is nearing the end of their life, and their loved ones. I seek to make the energy comfortable and sacred and buoyant. The little pause embodies the same: a moment where we direct that sacred, rich fuel inward. The mark connects us to the many, many others with parallel struggles, similar pains, and the same hope that they will find peace, love, joy and freedom in their lives. The tattoo heals us as the connection blossoms quietly and stealthily, without noise or ego. It says, “Pause for a moment. Celebrate us. We are alive. We are making it one day at a time. Join us.” In solidarity, I plan on getting this precious symbol etched into my skin. I too have moved from survivor of pain, suffering, inner turmoil and self hatred, to a place of ease and gratitude.

https://rhyhalpern.medium.com/ten-steps-to-online-dating-when-you-are-old-32ae4cca8719

Please click to go to the post! https://rhyhalpern.medium.com/why-dating-is-a-spiritual-practice-40312e6451d5

And How You Too Can Find the Root Cause of Your Chronic Illness Please click here to read the story: https://rhyhalpern.medium.com/how-a-punch-to-the-face-caused-hashimotos-disease-9fefe37a7c95